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A Wolverhampton father of two has reportedly learned that the £50 he transfers on birthdays does not, in fact, compound into a meaningful relationship. More inside.
Source: Beat Yourself Up™ National Guilt Survey 2026
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What's your go-to excuse for not calling?
The Child Maintenance Service has updated its gross income methodology. Self-employed fathers who've been running personal expenses through the business are reportedly "sweating."
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Real-time* figures. *Not real-time. Not real. But accurate enough to sting.
New research from the Office for National Statistics reveals that children retain detailed memories of absent-parent Christmases at a rate 3x higher than regular memories. The data is in. You're in it.
What 10,000 dads told us when asked why they don't visit more.
Includes: conversation starters, age-appropriate gift guide, and a template text for "I know it's been a while." Available June 2026.
HMCTS data shows the average child arrangement case now takes 46 weeks from application to hearing. Mathematically, that guarantees at least one more birthday passes. The system's working as designed, apparently.
When did you last tell someone how you actually feel?
Analysis of 5,000 birthday disappointments, indexed by category.
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Hello. I've reviewed the national averages. You're below most of them. Would you like to know which ones, or shall we just sit with that for a moment?
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Look — this is a satire site. But if you're here because something's genuinely weighing on you, these are real:
Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
CALM: 0800 58 58 58 (for men, 5pm–midnight)
Families Need Fathers: 0300 0300 363
Citizens Advice: 0800 144 8848 (child maintenance)
No one's actually charging you. Go phone your kids instead.